messy

This sunday, while listening to a really good message about life's storms, God brought into focus something he's been letting brew below the surface in me for a while now: it's time for my life to get messy.
Here's the thing, He's given me a heart for broken hurting people, but in order to really make a difference in the life of a broken hurting person I have to be willing to let my life get messy.
By messy, I mean that I'll feel broken and hurt along with them at times. I mean that my kids will be exposed to things my instincts tell me to protect them from. I mean that I will have to give up some of the things I want because I'll realize people are more important. I mean that my perspective on some life issues will likely be changed in ways that are uncomfortable for some of my friends and family.

Again.

That's what my husband said when I explained my thoughts to him. He reminded me that we've gotten messy at least twice already in our married life. Once when we adopted our daughter, and again when we moved to the godforsaken land of Milwaukee for him to go to grad school. (I'm sure the first of those seems like an obviously messy process, but trust me, the second was just as much so. & maybe someday I'll explain why, but not now.)
So, yes: again. It's time to get messy again.

awkward pregnancy questions

As much fun as pregnancy is, there's one part I'm really ready to be done with- and it's not what you're thinking, I guarantee it.

I'm ready to stop answering the question "what pregnancy is this for you?"

I hate this question because answering it is never easy, and either way I answer I'm left wondering if I answered correctly for myself.

You see, the contexts where I'm asked this question are generally medical-related, so they want to know "how many times has your body been pregnant?" And the correct medical response is 2.

But to say only "2" leaves out a HUGE part of my family & causes my heart to feel like I just betrayed my beautiful adopted daughter whose "labor" was more time-consuming and painful and rewarding than anything I've ever experienced.

And yet, I've been unable to find an un-awkward way to answer the question fully enough for myself (I'm aware my discomfort has nothing to do with the person asking the question). Sometimes I'll bring it up later in the conversation, but then I always feel like I'm trying too hard to fit it in somewhere. Sometimes I let it go- after all I know the truth & that should be enough... but it isn't always. And sometimes I stutter so much over the answer "2" I'm sure they don't believe me & are assuming there's some secret teenage abortion I'm hiding. But at least then I've given myself a reason to clarify my confusion- "It's just that I have an adopted daughter, so I always want to say this is my 3rd kid, but I know the answer you're looking for is 2."

All that to say, being done with pregnancy won't mean the end of questions with awkward answers, but it will mean the end of that specific one, & for that I'm grateful.